bumbling through my first real tragedy, i find i’m often unpredictably overcome by anger, grief, and exhaustion. communication fails, sleep is deprived, and the same endless cycles of thought occupy hours when i should be studying or sleeping; what really matters in this life? who is most important to me? why am i wasting time so far away from them? could i survive being bound to a bed and a chair for the rest of my life? what does he feel like? how can i help them? has my mother slept in the last 24 hours? has she eaten? has she cried? does he know how much i love him? where will we all be a year from now?
this past week i was given a break, a pause.
yes, i checked-in with my sister and mom a bit, but in general… i checked out. there were definitely moments in the midst of chaotic laughter and drinks and dancing when i snapped back to my reality, but all things considered these amazing ladies kept me far far away..
oh and then there was the BEACH HOUSE… i’m fairly certain there is nothing as distracting (in the best possible way– except maybe a man.. and a cabin.. and a wood stove)
feeling blessed and grateful.. i leave you with this awful song because it’s been in my head since the second i boarded the plane leaving Portland… where can i find her blazer?