I have 5 toothbrushes.

One at my dad’s house, one at my mom’s.
One in the hospital hotel room, one in my bag, and one in Portland.
I never know where I might sleep living like this, and I can’t sleep well without brushing my teeth (if you can, I’m not sure that we can be friends..).

I often shuffle from home to home to hospital to hotel to school to home with at least 3 bags. One is typically full of laundry, one with food and one carries my essentials — a good book, my ipad, lavender essential oil, a moleskine, my planner, a cold-brewed coffee from Zingerman’s and my water bottle. I pack and re-pack – I’m getting better at this.

I try to keep my textbooks in my car, but I often drive someone else’s. I’ve lost my debit card three times in the last 2 weeks; it’s still missing. I have a running mental list of things to pick up and emails to send; I forget most of them.

I eat starches and carbs and I wish they were vegetables, but vegetables take time.

I socialize mainly with my parents; depending on which, we talk about therapies, the Tigers, or about how the dogs are doing.

[the dogs are doing just fine, John]

I spend a lot of time thinking about a year ago and how I could have never envisioned this life for any of us. Through this abrupt alteration we are learning so much about love, the thresholds of acceptance and the importance of setting priorities. This period surely serves a purpose, but I often find myself naively wondering when it will be over. Sometimes I forget that this is our new normal.

It’s been one month and three days since the accident. As terrible and heartbreaking as this journey has been, I feel that we’ve somehow reaped so much good from it.

Every single day she amazes me. They amaze me. They have a palpable love and I’m so grateful that I get to bear witness to it. I’ve realized that they are the reference that I was seriously lacking and the standard for what I want for myself has quickly changed. It’s sad and a little disturbing that it took an event such as this to make me realize what I want and deserve in a partner… but now I see it, and it is bright and I am thankful. Better days are ahead.



One thought on “+++

  1. thinking of you all. not just your family, but all humans that know you, we are all learning from this.

    so much love.

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